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before。 Humans were quite exasperatingly fragile！ There were a million different things to worry about Edward Cullen is staring at you again； I heard Jessica say。 I wonder why he s sitting alone today？ I was grateful to Jessica though she was even more resentful now because Bella s head snapped up and her eyes searched until they met mine。 There was no trace of sadness in her face now。 I let myself hope that she d been sad because she d thought I d left school early； and that hope made me smile。 I motioned with my finger for her to join me。 She looked so startled by this that I wanted to tease her again。 So I winked； and her mouth fell open。 Does he mean you？ Jessica asked rudely。 Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework； she said in a low； uncertain voice。 Um； I d better go see what he wants。 This was another yes。 She stumbled twice on her way to my table； though there was nothing in her way but perfectly even linoleum。 Seriously； how had I missed this before？ I d been paying more attention to her silent thoughts； I supposed What else had I missed？ Keep it honest； keep it light； I chanted to myself。 She stopped behind the chair across from me； hesitating。 through my nose this time rather than my mouth。 Feel the burn； I thought dryly。 Why don t you sit with me today？ I asked her。 She pulled the chair out and sat； staring at me the whole while。 nervous； but her physical acceptance was yet another yes。 I waited for her to speak。 It took a moment； but； finally； she said； This is different。 Well I hesitated。 do it thoroughly。 I decided as long as I was going to hell； I might as well She seemed I inhaled deeply；
What had made me say that？ I supposed it was honest； at least。 And perhaps she d hear the unsubtle warning my words implied。 Maybe she would realize that she should get up and walk away as quickly as possible She didn t get up。 unfinished。 She stared at me； waiting； as if I d left my sentence You know I don t have any idea what you mean； she said when I didn t continue。 That was a relief。 I know。 It was hard to ignore the thoughts screaming at me from behind her back and I wanted to change the subject anyway。 I think your friends are angry at me for stealing you。 This did not appear to concern her。 They ll survive。 I smiled。 I may not give you back； though。 I didn t even know if I was trying to be honest now； or just trying to tease her again。 Being near her made it hard to make sense of my own thoughts。 Bella swallowed loudly。 I laughed at her expression。 funny She should worry。 You look worried。 It really shouldn t be Surprised； So No。 She was a bad liar； it didn t help that her voice broke。 actually 。 What brought this on？ I told you； I reminded her。 I got tired of trying to stay away from you。 I m giving up。 I held my smile in place with a bit of effort。 This wasn t working at all trying to be honest and casual at the same time。 Giving up？ she repeated； baffled。 Yes giving up trying to be good。 And； apparently； giving up trying to be casual。 I m just going to do what I want now； and let the chips fall where they may。 That was honest enough。 Let her see my selfishness。 Let that warn her； too。 You lost me again。 I was selfish enough to be glad that this was the case。 when I m talking to you that s one of the problems。 A rather insignificant problem； pared to the rest。 Don t worry； she reassured me。 I don t understand any of it。 Good。 Then she d stay。 I m counting on that。 I always say too much So； in plain English； are we friends now？ I pondered that for a second。 that。 It wasn t enough。 Friends I repeated。 I didn t like the sound of
Or not； she mumbled； looking embarrassed。 Did she think I didn t like her that much？ I smiled。 Well； we can try； I suppose。 good friend for you。 But I m warning you now that I m not a I waited for her response； torn in two wishing she would finally hear and understand； thinking I might die if she did。 How melodramatic。 I was turning into such a human。 Her heart beat faster。 You say that a lot。 I m still Yes； because you re not listening to me； I said； too intense again。 waiting for you to believe it。 If you re smart； you ll avoid me。 Ah； but would I allow her to do that； if she tried？ Her eyes tightened。 I think you ve made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear； too。 I wasn t exactly sure what she meant； but I smiled in apology； guessing that I must have offended her accidentally。 So； she said slowly。 As long as I m being not smart； we ll try to be friends？ That sounds about right。 She looked down； staring intently at the lemonade bottle in her hands。 The old curiosity tormented me。 What are you thinking？ I asked it was a relief to say the words out loud at last。 She met my gaze； and her breathing sped while her cheeks flushed faint pink。 inhaled； tasting that in the air。 I m trying to figure out what you are。 I held the smile on my face； locking my features that way； while panic twisted through my body。 Of course she was wondering that。 She wasn t stupid。 be oblivious to something so obvious。 I couldn t hope for her to I Are you having any luck with that？ I asked as lightly as I could manage。 Not too much； she admitted。 I chuckled in sudden relief。 What are your theories？ They couldn t be worse than the truth； no matter what she d e up with。 Her cheeks turned brighter red； and she said nothing。 I could feel the warmth of her blush in the air。
I tried using my persuasive tone on her。 Won t you tell me？ She shook her head。 It worked well on normal humans。 I smiled encouragingly。 Too embarrassing。 Why would her speculations Ugh。 Not knowing was worse than anything else。 embarrass her？ I couldn t stand not knowing。 That s really frustrating； you know。 My plaint sparked something in her。 swiftly than usual。 Her eyes flashed and her words flowed more No； I can t imagine why that would be frustrating at all just because someone refuses to tell you what they re thinking； even if all the while they re making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean now； why would that be frustrating？ I frowned at her； upset to realize that she was right。 She went on。 Or better； say that things from saving your life under you like a pariah the next； and he he promised。 That； also； would be I wasn t being fair。 person also did a wide range of bizarre impossible circumstances one day to treating never explained any of that either； even after very nonfrustrating。 It was the longest speech I d ever heard her make； and it gave me a new quality for my list。 You ve got a bit of a temper； don t you？ I don t like double standards。 She was pletely justified in her irritation； of course。 I stared at Bella； wondering how I could possibly do anything right by her； until the silent shouting in Mike Newton s head distracted me。 He was so irate that it made me chuckle。 What？ she demanded。 Your boyfriend seems to think I m being unpleasant to you he s debating whether or not to e break up our fight。 I would love to see him try。 I laughed again。 I don t know who you re talking about； she said in an icy voice。 you re wrong anyway。 But I m sure I very much enjoyed the way she disowned him with her dismissive sentence。 I m not。 I told you； most people are easy to read。 Except me； of course。 Yes。 Except for you。 Did she have to be the exception to everything？ Wouldn t it have been more fair considering everything else I had to deal with
now if I could have at least heard something from her head？ ask？ I wonder why that is？ I stared into her eyes； trying again She looked away。 table。 Was that so much to She opened her lemonade and took a quick drink； her eyes on the Aren t you hungry？ I asked。 No。 She eyed the empty table between us。 You？ No； I m not hungry； I said。 I was definitely not that。 She stared at the table her lips pursed。 I waited。 Could you do me a favor？ she asked； suddenly meeting my gaze again。 What would she want from me？ Would she ask for the truth that I wasn t allowed to tell her the truth I didn t want her to ever； ever know？ That depends on what you want。 It s not much； she promised。 I waited； curious again。 I just wondered she said slowly； staring at the lemonade bottle； tracing its lip with her littlest finger。 If you could wa