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de me grin。 It was like she thought she was dangerous in her decrepit truck。 The thought of Bella Swan being dangerous to anyone； no matter what she was driving； had me laughing while the girl drove past me； staring straight ahead。
3。 Phenomenon Truly； I was not thirsty； but I decided to hunt again that night。 of prevention； inadequate though I knew it to be。 A small ounce Carlisle came with me； we hadn t been alone together since I d returned from Denali。 As we ran through the black forest； I heard him thinking about that hasty goodbye last week。 In his memory； I saw the way my features had been twisted in fierce despair。 felt his surprise and sudden worry。 Edward？ I have to go； Carlisle。 What s happened？ Nothing。 Yet。 But it will； if I stay。 I felt how it had hurt him when I d cringed away from I have to go now。 I He d reached for my arm。 his hand。 I don t understand。 Have you ever has there ever been a time I watched myself take a deep breath； saw the wild light in my eyes through the filter of his deep concern。 Has any one person ever smelled better to you than the rest of them？ better？ Oh。 When I d known that he understood； my face had fallen with shame。 He d reached out to touch me； ignoring it when I d recoiled again； and left his hand on my shoulder。 Do what you must to resist； son。 faster。 I will miss you。 Here； take my car。 It s Much He was wondering now if he d done the right thing then； sending me away。 Wondering if he hadn t hurt me with his lack of trust。 No； I whispered as I ran。 That was what I needed。 I might so easily have betrayed that trust； if you d told me to stay。 I m sorry you re suffering； Edward。 But you should do what you can to keep the Swan child alive。 Even if it means that you must leave us again。 I know； I know。 Why did you e back？ too difficult You know how happy I am to have you here； but if this is I didn t like feeling a coward； I admitted。
We d slowed we were barely jogging through the darkness now。 Better that than to put her in danger。 She ll be gone in a year or two。 You re right； I know that。 Contrarily； though； his words only made me more anxious to stay。 The girl would be gone in a year or two Carlisle stopped running and I stopped with him； he turned to examine my expression。 But you re not going to run； are you？ I hung my head。 Is it pride； Edward？ There s no shame in Not now。 No； it isn t pride that keeps me here。 Nowhere to go？ I laughed shortly。 No。 That wouldn t stop me； if I could make myself leave。 We ll e with you； of course； if that s what you need。 You only have to ask。 You ve moved on without plaint for the rest of them。 They won t begrudge you this。 I raised one eyebrow。 He laughed。 Yes； Rosalie might； but she owes you。 Anyway； it s much better for us to leave now； no damage done； than for us to leave later； after a life has been ended。 All humor was gone by the end。 I flinched at his words。 Yes； I agreed。 My voice sounded hoarse。 But you re not leaving？ I sighed。 I should。 I m failing to see Even to myself； it made no sense。 What holds you here； Edward？ I don t know if I can explain。 He measured my expression for a long moment。 No； I do not see。 But I will respect your privacy； if you prefer。 Thank you。 It s generous of you； seeing as how I give privacy to no one。 With one exception。 And I was doing what I could to deprive her of that； wasn t I？ We all have our quirks。 He laughed again。 Shall we？ He d just caught the scent of a small herd of deer。 It was hard to rally much enthusiasm for what was； even under the best of circumstances； a less than mouthwatering aroma。 Right now； with the memory of the girl s blood fresh in my mind； the smell actually turned my stomach。 I sighed。 Let s； I agreed； though I knew that forcing more blood down my throat would help so little。
We both shifted into a hunting crouch and let the unappealing scent pull us silently forward。 It was colder when we returned home。 The melted snow had refrozen； it was as if a thin sheet of glass covered everything each pine needle； each fern frond； each blade of grass was iced over。 While Carlisle went to dress for his early shift at the hospital； I stayed by the river； waiting for the sun to rise。 I felt almost swollen from the amount of blood I d consumed； but I knew the lack of actual thirst would mean little when I sat beside the girl again。 Cool and motionless as the stone I sat on； I stared at the dark water running beside the icy bank； stared right through it。 Carlisle was right。 I should leave Forks。 They could spread some story to explain my absence。 Boarding school in Europe。 Visiting distant relatives。 Teenage runaway。 The story didn t matter。 No one would question too intensely。 It was just a year or two； and then the girl would disappear。 She would go on with her life she would have a life to go on with。 She d go to college somewhere； get older； start a career； perhaps marry someone。 I could picture that I could see the girl dressed all in white and walking at a measured pace； her arm through her father s。 It was odd； the pain that image caused me。 I couldn t understand it。 Was I jealous； because she had a future that I could never have？ That made no sense。 Every one of the humans around me had that same potential ahead of them a life and I rarely stopped to envy them。 I should leave her to her future。 Stop risking her life。 That was the right thing to do。 Carlisle always chose the right way。 I should listen to him now。 The sun rose behind the clouds； and the faint light glistened off all the frozen glass。 One more day； I decided。 I would see her one more time。 I could handle that。 Perhaps I would mention my pending disappearance； set the story up。 This was going to be difficult； I could feel that in the heavy reluctance that was already making me think of excuses to stay to extend the deadline to two days； three； four But I would do the right thing。 I knew I could trust Carlisle s advice。 And I also knew that I was too conflicted to make the right decision alone。 Much too conflicted。 How much of this reluctance came from my obsessive curiosity； and how much came from my unsatisfied appetite？ I went inside to change into fresh clothes for school。 Alice was waiting for me； sitting on the top step at the edge of the third floor。 You re leaving again； she accused me。 I sighed and nodded。 I can t see where you re going this time。
I don t know where I m going yet； I whispered。 I want you to stay。 I shook my head。 Maybe Jazz and I could e with you？ They ll need you all the more； if I m not here to watch out for them。 of Esme。 Would you take half her family away in one blow？ You re going to make her so sad。 I know。 That s why you have to stay。 That s not the same as having you here； and you know it。 Yes。 But I have to do what s right。 And think There are many right ways； and many wrong ways； though； aren t there？ For a brief moment she was swept away into one of her strange visions； I watched along with her as the indistinct images flickered and whirled。 I saw myself mixed in with strange shadows that I couldn t make out hazy； imprecise forms。 And then； suddenly； my skin was glittering in the bright sunlight of a small open meadow。 This was a place I knew。 There was a figure in the meadow with me； but； again； it was indistinct； not there enough to recognize。 The images shivered and disappeared as a million tiny choices rearranged the future again。 I didn t catch much of that； I told her when the vision went dark。 Me either。 Your future is shifting around so much I can t keep up with any of it。 I think； though She stopped； and she flipped through a vast collection of other recent visions for me。 They were all the same blurry and vague。 I think something is changing； though； she said out loud。 be at a crossroads。 I laughed grimly。 now； right？ Your life seems to You do realize that you sound like a bogus gypsy at a carnival She stuck her tiny tongue out at me。 Today is all right； though； isn t it？ I asked； my voice abruptly apprehensive。 I don t see you killing anyone today； she assured me。 Thanks； Alice。 Go get dressed。 ready。 I won t say anything I ll let you tell the others when you re Miss She stood and darted back down the stairs； her shoulders hunched slightly。 you。 Really。 Yes； I would re